Halloween Characters

CARL Don’t be fooled by Carl’s haggard appearance. He’s lived a solid eight lives. After all, how many cats can say they’ve witnessed the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza, sailed across the Bermuda Triangle and lived to tell the story or fa… — CARL
Don’t be fooled by Carl’s haggard appearance. He’s lived a solid eight lives. After all, how many cats can say they’ve witnessed the construction of the Great Pyramid of Giza, sailed across the Bermuda Triangle and lived to tell the story or fathered hundreds of successful children, including internet sensation Grumpy Cat? Not many, he’d venture to say. He plans on spending his ninth and final life perched atop his favorite recliner smoking Marlboros, drinking Sunkist and Rubinoff vodka and listening to Exile on Main Street on repeat.

ALISTAIR Alistair runs a male strip club disguised as a sporting goods store called Bats and Balls. They’re open until 4am on the weekends and have the best chicken wings in the Tri-state area. They also do corporate workshops, birthday parties and … — ALISTAIR
Alistair runs a male strip club disguised as a sporting goods store called Bats and Balls. They’re open until 4am on the weekends and have the best chicken wings in the Tri-state area. They also do corporate workshops, birthday parties and graduations. DM him on Instagram to book your dancers today!

WILLOW
Willow franchised her first Which Wich at just 220 years of age. She now has 30 stores with more in the works. Her newest venture includes a startup kombucha business that is already attracting several high-profile investors. She’s also featured in Forbes’ 500 under 500.

THE HAUNTED TINY HOUSE A young, carefree couple built this tiny house with their bare hands. Legend has it they spent the better half of their twenties hosting soirées and making fond memories with their friends and family, but eventually had to buy… — THE HAUNTED TINY HOUSE
A young, carefree couple built this tiny house with their bare hands. Legend has it they spent the better half of their twenties hosting soirées and making fond memories with their friends and family, but eventually had to buy a 5,000 square foot house in the suburbs to accommodate their growing family. Sadly, only the ghost of their youth remains to watch over the house. Every time the couple has another child, the house shrinks in size. Soon it’ll be gone forever.

WALLY Route 66? Pacific Coast Highway? Overseas Highway? Wally and his family have howled up and down them all. The day his children taught him how to use Google Maps was the day his world opened up. A directionally challenged werewolf like himself … — WALLY
Route 66? Pacific Coast Highway? Overseas Highway? Wally and his family have howled up and down them all. The day his children taught him how to use Google Maps was the day his world opened up. A directionally challenged werewolf like himself who was once bound to the confines of his small town suddenly found himself renting a Cruise America RV and hitting the road to explore all of the wonders the contiguous US has to offer. His favorite stop so far has been Standin’ on the Corner Park in Winslow Arizona. The rest of his family begs to differ.

ALLIE Allie fell in love with a Furby named Clyde who was left in the back yard she lives in. She’d never seen a creature of that sort, but was oddly attracted to his yellow beak, large eyes and erratic behavior. They’d have long conversations where Clyde would make indistinguishable sounds and repeat his name, making Allie chuckle and fall deeper in love with him. Unfortunately, Clyde is running out of battery so she doesn’t know how much longer they’ll have together. — ALLIE
Allie fell in love with a Furby named Clyde who was left in the back yard she lives in. She’d never seen a creature of that sort, but was oddly attracted to his yellow beak, large eyes and erratic behavior. They’d have long conversations where Clyde would make indistinguishable sounds and repeat his name, making Allie chuckle and fall deeper in love with him. Unfortunately, Clyde is running out of battery so she doesn’t know how much longer they’ll have together.

MIKE Mike’s dream is to become the first pro skateboarder from his swamp. Every night after dinner, he sneaks out of his house and goes to the skatepark. He uses the GoPro he got for Christmas to record his best tricks and then uploads them to his Y… — MIKE
Mike’s dream is to become the first pro skateboarder from his swamp. Every night after dinner, he sneaks out of his house and goes to the skatepark. He uses the GoPro he got for Christmas to record his best tricks and then uploads them to his YouTube channel.

FRED Everyone enjoys a good love story. Allow me to tell you Fred’s. Back in 1998, Fred went to a company party at Wet ‘n Wild in a red speedo and Soundgarden t-shirt. He ended up getting stuck halfway down the Black Hole waterslide and was saved by… — FRED
Everyone enjoys a good love story. Allow me to tell you Fred’s. Back in 1998, Fred went to a company party at Wet ‘n Wild in a red speedo and Soundgarden t-shirt. He ended up getting stuck halfway down the Black Hole waterslide and was saved by a cute lifeguard. He bought her soggy nachos, Mountain Dew and strawberry Sour Patch Straws during her break to thank her and ended up proposing that night.

DARK FOREST The Dark Forest isn’t so dark anymore thanks the Big Bad Wolf. He’s decided to redeem himself for huffing and puffing and blowing thousands of houses down by building a luxury master planned community. He’s also offering low interest mortgage rates for all the little pigs whose homes he ruined. — DARK FOREST
The Dark Forest isn’t so dark anymore thanks the Big Bad Wolf. He’s decided to redeem himself for huffing and puffing and blowing thousands of houses down by building a luxury master planned community. He’s also offering low interest mortgage rates for all the little pigs whose homes he ruined.

HUNTERS MOON Happy fall, y’all! It’s your boy, the Hunter’s Moon. Thank God summer is over, amirite? I did spend the entire month of July knitting scarves for my friends, so that was fun lol. I’m wearing one right now, what do you think? I’ve been on the Whole 30 diet for the last six months. Can you see my abs? I wanted to slim down and eat cleaner leading up to my big debut tonight. Gravity adds 20 pounds and I’m sick of looking round and orange in pictures! Peace and blessings, betches! — HUNTERS MOON
Happy fall, y’all! It’s your boy, the Hunter’s Moon. Thank God summer is over, amirite? I did spend the entire month of July knitting scarves for my friends, so that was fun lol. I’m wearing one right now, what do you think? I’ve been on the Whole 30 diet for the last six months. Can you see my abs? I wanted to slim down and eat cleaner leading up to my big debut tonight. Gravity adds 20 pounds and I’m sick of looking round and orange in pictures! Peace and blessings, betches!

CYNTHIA Cynthia teaches kindergarten in Des Moines, Iowa. She loves being a teacher because she can keep the same schedule as her children. When she’s not at work, she is usually playing Fortnite while her kids do their homework or play outside. She… — CYNTHIA
Cynthia teaches kindergarten in Des Moines, Iowa. She loves being a teacher because she can keep the same schedule as her children. When she’s not at work, she is usually playing Fortnite while her kids do their homework or play outside. She hopes to become a gaming influencer on Twitch so she can buy an SUV that fits the whole family comfortably.

CHANDLER Every Friday night, Chandler goes to his favorite vegan spot, Beets of Your Heart Bistro, to order their viscous beet soup. He enjoys it even more at home when he adds his wife’s iron supplements to enhance the taste. — CHANDLER
Every Friday night, Chandler goes to his favorite vegan spot, Beets of Your Heart Bistro, to order their viscous beet soup. He enjoys it even more at home when he adds his wife’s iron supplements to enhance the taste.

JACK Contrary to popular belief, the Black Lagoon is a noisy place—too noisy for Jack. Luckily, he had some airline miles to spare, so he traveled Nepal to find peace and tranquility. He’s been couch surfing with a group of Buddhist monks at their t… — JACK
Contrary to popular belief, the Black Lagoon is a noisy place—too noisy for Jack. Luckily, he had some airline miles to spare, so he traveled Nepal to find peace and tranquility. He’s been couch surfing with a group of Buddhist monks at their temple for the last three months and is questioning whether he’ll return to the chaos he calls home.

CHUY Chuy’s blood-sucking days are behind him. He now spends his time reading 19th-century French literature and perfecting his Cuba Libre cocktail recipe. He recently joined a local food co-op and is excited at the prospect of making friends in the… — CHUY
Chuy’s blood-sucking days are behind him. He now spends his time reading 19th-century French literature and perfecting his Cuba Libre cocktail recipe. He recently joined a local food co-op and is excited at the prospect of making friends in the community. If you see him around, please don’t be scared to introduce yourself.

GASSY GOBLIN WARNING!! DO NOT FEED THE GASSY GOBLIN. Especially during Halloween when there’s an abundance of candy that contains milk. You will regret it. Aside from enduring a malodorous, pungent stench, inhalation of the goblin’s gas will produce… — GASSY GOBLIN
WARNING!! DO NOT FEED THE GASSY GOBLIN. Especially during Halloween when there’s an abundance of candy that contains milk. You will regret it. Aside from enduring a malodorous, pungent stench, inhalation of the goblin’s gas will produce a series of side effects including a greenish complexion, foul body odor and hellacious flatulence. He’ll try to trick you into thinking he took Lactaid Fast Act, but don’t be fooled! He’s banned from all CVS and Walgreens stores nationwide and therefore is unable to conveniently purchase any lactase enzyme supplements. You’ve been warned.

JIMMY Guiding people to their death is so last century. Instead, Jimmy started his own adventure company called Near Death Experiences where he guides people down the Grand Canyon. He enjoys meeting people from all corners of the world and feels ali… — JIMMY
Guiding people to their death is so last century. Instead, Jimmy started his own adventure company called Near Death Experiences where he guides people down the Grand Canyon. He enjoys meeting people from all corners of the world and feels alive when surrounded by Earth’s natural wonders. He’s currently training to climb Mount Everest with his ghoulfriend next July.

SÉANCE Can anyone see this message? If so, please help! My friends and I held a séance in jest and I ended up trapped in a different dimension. We communicated with some douchey spirit named Chad and he convinced me to switch dimensions with him. I… — SÉANCE
Can anyone see this message? If so, please help! My friends and I held a séance in jest and I ended up trapped in a different dimension. We communicated with some douchey spirit named Chad and he convinced me to switch dimensions with him. I can’t believe it actually worked. It sucks in here…there’s no WiFi! I had to use my mobile hotspot to even get this message out. And worst of all, no one eats because they’re all dead! Get me out of here or at least please send a Big Mac. Also, Chad is somewhere out there wreaking havoc in our dimension. Watch out!

RAVEN Raven just found out her gurgling croak is going to be featured on one of Tiesto’s upcoming tracks. She gets to go to Ibiza next month when he debuts the song at Amnesia, one of the hottest nightclubs on the island. She’s already picked out he… — RAVEN
Raven just found out her gurgling croak is going to be featured on one of Tiesto’s upcoming tracks. She gets to go to Ibiza next month when he debuts the song at Amnesia, one of the hottest nightclubs on the island. She’s already picked out her outfit for the big night: a yellow glitter bra, denim skirt and purple converse shoes.

ALLY N. For Ally N., there’s a lot to love about Earth. Her planet is void of vivid sunsets, lush vegetation and hoppy beer. When she set her eyes and taste buds on all the wonders of our planet, she knew she’d landed in a great place. Her love of … — ALLY N.
For Ally N., there’s a lot to love about Earth. Her planet is void of vivid sunsets, lush vegetation and hoppy beer. When she set her eyes and taste buds on all the wonders of our planet, she knew she’d landed in a great place. Her love of Earth was even more solidified the first time she tried on yoga pants.

SHINER After college, Shiner scored a coveted internship at Condé Nast. He was quickly hired on full time as a junior editor after a drunken night of debauchery with his coworkers. His first assignment took him to Japan where he wrote a piece on the… — SHINER
After college, Shiner scored a coveted internship at Condé Nast. He was quickly hired on full time as a junior editor after a drunken night of debauchery with his coworkers. His first assignment took him to Japan where he wrote a piece on the most underrated beaches of the country. In a moment of clarity, Shiner decided those blissful, uninterrupted beaches were where he truly belonged. He now dedicates his time to drinking beer and making homemade koozies he sells on Etsy.

RIPBNB Thanks for booking this spacious one bedroom Ripbnb! I’ve been anxiously waiting for you for quite some time. Upon arrival, please park your body carefully, as it can get quite dark! The WiFi name is Highway to Hell and password is D3@tH. Als… — RIPBNB
Thanks for booking this spacious one bedroom Ripbnb! I’ve been anxiously waiting for you for quite some time. Upon arrival, please park your body carefully, as it can get quite dark! The WiFi name is Highway to Hell and password is D3@tH. Also, our location is centrally located to all points of interest in the area! We’re a 3-minute hop to the black lagoon, 10-minute skip to the gates of hell and 45-minute jump to purgatory.

FRANKIE JR. Frankie Jr. doesn’t like the taste of beer, but is reluctant to tell his family considering they own the world famous Frank and Stein Brewery. Instead of taking over the family business, he plans on attending the Rhode Island School of D… — FRANKIE JR.
Frankie Jr. doesn’t like the taste of beer, but is reluctant to tell his family considering they own the world famous Frank and Stein Brewery. Instead of taking over the family business, he plans on attending the Rhode Island School of Design next fall to study architecture. He knows this news will devastate his parents, but believes he must follow his passion to find happiness in life.

TIMMY Timmy is a bouncer at one of the hottest nightclubs in Tribeca. He’s often forced to let his cousin, Toad, and his C-list celebrity friends into the VIP section despite his better judgement. He drives for Uber on the weekdays to make extra cas… — TIMMY
Timmy is a bouncer at one of the hottest nightclubs in Tribeca. He’s often forced to let his cousin, Toad, and his C-list celebrity friends into the VIP section despite his better judgement. He drives for Uber on the weekdays to make extra cash and plans to move to Detroit to open a head shop within the next six months.

JENNY Jenny spent the last year on a farm in New Mexico learning how to grow various chile peppers. She planned on opening a trendy restaurant in time for hatch chile season, but fell in love with life on the farm. She doesn’t plan on ever returning… — JENNY
Jenny spent the last year on a farm in New Mexico learning how to grow various chile peppers. She planned on opening a trendy restaurant in time for hatch chile season, but fell in love with life on the farm. She doesn’t plan on ever returning to city life and hopes her friends and family will visit.

RATS It’s a historic victory for rats worldwide! Alas, science has finally proven rats were probably not responsible for the Bubonic Plague that killed 50 million people in the late Middle Ages. In fact, the culprits were most likely dirty flea and … — RATS
It’s a historic victory for rats worldwide! Alas, science has finally proven rats were probably not responsible for the Bubonic Plague that killed 50 million people in the late Middle Ages. In fact, the culprits were most likely dirty flea and lice infested humans! In exchange for these defamatory statements, they demand the following:
1. A sincere apology from all the jerks who tainted their reputation.
2. A ban on rat traps and poison.
3. Lifetime supply of organic grains, fruits, vegetables and nuts.
4. Belly and foot rubs on command
5. A jacuzzi
Noncompliance will result in a slander lawsuit.

ADAM Adam owns an apple orchard called The Orchard of Eden in upstate New York. Every fall, thousands of city dwellers flock there to pick his world famous apples and take Instagram-worthy photos against the picturesque landscape. He recently introd… — ADAM
Adam owns an apple orchard called The Orchard of Eden in upstate New York. Every fall, thousands of city dwellers flock there to pick his world famous apples and take Instagram-worthy photos against the picturesque landscape. He recently introduced an “Apples & Cider” tractor tour to accommodate all of the bachelorette parties celebrated there.

DARLENE Darlene recently became an independent skincare consultant for Rodent + Waterfields. Her friends give her hell for spamming their Facebook feeds, but she truly believes in their products. She herself uses the Unblemished regime which has bri… — DARLENE
Darlene recently became an independent skincare consultant for Rodent + Waterfields. Her friends give her hell for spamming their Facebook feeds, but she truly believes in their products. She herself uses the Unblemished regime which has brightened her skin and eliminated her face warts completely. She also gets compliments on her long eye lashes thanks to the lash booster. DM her for before and after pics.

CINDY Cindy may be the only pumpkin who despises Halloween. Her entire life has been one long rough patch. Remember when Cinderella’s beautiful carriage turned into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight and then got trampled by horses? Well, that pump… — CINDY
Cindy may be the only pumpkin who despises Halloween. Her entire life has been one long rough patch. Remember when Cinderella’s beautiful carriage turned into a pumpkin at the stroke of midnight and then got trampled by horses? Well, that pumpkin was Cindy. She resents being portrayed as an ugly and meaningless object. She also now looks like the Halloween version of Humpty Dumpty after being haphazardly put back together by the fairy godmother.